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To all of you mechanics out there, wear eye protection. Dirt, rust, and brake fluid don't feel good falling into your eyes. PS: Brake fluid doesn't taste good either. #LFMF

When something says it's extra hot, listen. When the label says you can't handle it, you really can't handle it. It'll be hot. You will throw up. #LFMF

If you and your girlfriend broke up for a week because she thought you had feelings for someone else, make sure you DON'T actually have feelings for them. After months of gaining back her trust, you'll want to break up with her again and feel like a total douche. #LFMF

It's laundry day, and you have no clean jeans. Reconsider wearing a less stained pair before deciding to throw on those leggings. You will be walking down the street, someone will feel the need to appreciate you with a honk and the idiot that was staring at you during the red light will pull into traffic. One T-Bone later, you will be talking to the cops since said idiot fingered you as both witness and cause. #LFMF

When you're lactose intolerant but stupidly enough decide to eat some chocolate anyway, never ever trust a fart. This is especially important if you're in the bed with your new boyfriend. #LFMF

If you have a bent wheel on your car, have it straightened before putting your summer tires on. You will find out a tube was put in, the wheel is still bent, and now you have a bent wheel and a flat tire. Also, be sure to air up your spare tire BEFORE you need, as a flat spare is just pointless. #LFMF

When in public, bathroom and room for bathing mean completely different things. At some point you WILL want to "switch things up" and you will be laughed at.

For the love of God Do NOT bring your large breasted friend to a bar at let her become very drunk. There will be a group of very hot guys and they will only notice the fun bags on your friends chest. #LFMF

Pictures, or it didn’t happen.

I watched Bones whilst consuming my dinner. #LFMF

When the dentist office calls your home, and someone else answers it and confirms the time of your appointment out loud, if the time you heard is different than what you think it is, double check what you had written down on the calendar. The time you heard in the conversation might be the correct one. Your memory might be wrong. You will feel stupid after you're late, and only double checking the time AFTER the appointment. #LFMF