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When half awake with a fever, remember that the sound of water through the pipes is not a broken radio, your sheets are not monsters, and Chatturgah wasn't even in Silent Hill. Your head will hurt when you surge out of bed in a panic, and bonk said head on the nightstand. #LFMF
If you happen to be called upon to squish a spider, remember that they carry their babies on their backs. When you touch it, it will explode into a gazillion tiny, skittering little spiders. You will drop the shovel and scream like a two-year old and run away. Your mother will laugh at you. #LFMF
If you're taking a shower and you have a bunch of long hairs stuck to your hand, and you get rid of them by rubbing your palms together and then sticking the clump up on the wall, remember to take the clump with you when you're done.
It will fall on the next person to use the shower. Your husband will scream like a little girl. #LFMF
When a friend asks you to click on a suspicious looking link, make sure you're not alone in the dark and that your speakers aren't turned on to the maximum volume… #LFMF
Never watch a compilation video of every death from all the Final Destination films. You will be terrified of EVERYTHING. #LFMF
When walking down the street with a mentally retarded cousin don't say there are monsters in the drain. She will run away screaming and everybody will think you're a rapist. #LFMF
When your boyfriend is staying over and you wake up during the night to the sound of a man breathing, DO immediately remember that your boyfriend is lying next to you. DO NOT presume that a predator has climbed in through the window and start screaming loudly. #LFMF
Good Idea: Going to Hawaii for your honeymoon. Iffy Idea: (too late to change plans) It's the week after the Japan tsunami.
Good Idea: Taking a nap on the beach.
Bad Idea: Forgetting that they test the tsunami sirens once a month. You WILL freak the F out and scramble for the hills. Everyone at the beach WILL laugh at you. #LFMF
If you're living alone in a house for the first time in your life, listening to the soundtrack of "28 Days Later" is a bad idea. #LFMF
Before assuming your laptop speakers have broken, check to see if your headphones are still plugged in. It'll save a lot of panic. And embarrassment. #LFMF
Submitted by: Josie
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