Archive for the 'gross' Category

Fail: Being at home sick, getting thirsty, and taking a nice big chug from your cup of salt water. Epic Fail: Forgetting and doing it again in an hour. The Cherry on Top: Almost doing it again while submitting this fail.

See that old timon and pumbaa straw that you got from disney on ice 7 years ago? Yeah, wash it before you use it. Or you may just get a mouthful of earwig instead of lemonade.

Pulling the covers over your head is a good way to stay warm at night when you turn down the thermostat to save money on your heating bill. However, when you and your spouse eat 4-bean chili for dinner, spend the extra few bucks and let the furnace run.

When a friend tells you that a chocolate bar may contain up to eight ant legs and you are squeemish about these sorts of things, don't look it up hoping to find out he was joking. He wasn't, and you'll learn things that make you never want to eat again.

Blowing your nose can improve your ability to breathe and smell. Blowing your nose whilst taking a dump only improves your sense of smell. #LFMF

When you have a mouse infestation at work and they have just placed poison, check where you walk if you are the first one coming in the next morning. Accidently stepping on a dying mouse's tiny head will make you scream in agony and scarred for life. #LFMF

Make sure to read the package on the pudding you bought that contains fiber. It will say you're only supposed to eat one a day. You will get a chocolate craving and eat four. Then, you will finally learn what your intestines smell like.

Just because your American Sign Language teacher is deaf, doesnt mean the rest of the class can't. So when you fart, everyone will hear, laugh, and the teacher will have no idea what's so funny. Also: being deaf has no effect on your ability to smell. #LFMF

A drop of superglue on a papercut on your finger is a good idea. A drop of superglue on any other injury is not.

You have plently of candy canes left over for christmas. You're bored with your regular soda flavour. Minty cola sounds refreshing. #LFMF

When, while searching for a utensil in the kitchen drawers, you come upon a crazy straw, for the love of all that is good, LOOK before you decide to suck up that "bit of food" still inside it. You'll remember too late just how old that straw is. Mold is not something you want to have rocketing into your mouth.

When you drink 2 litres of RedBull, 3 boxes of mint TicTacs,1 and 1/2 Monsters and and Monster and Coke mixer, you will flip when someone says "dude, you might die"

Never lick the salt off the multitude of shells from the pistachios you have just eaten. You will beg for death within the hour.