If you decide to watch a movie after having 10 shots of Jager, make sure it isn't anything with elaborate camera movement. Your couch upholstery will thank you. #LFMF
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Archive for the 'gross' Category
Thanks, Bourne Trilogy
Feb. 11, 2012
But Everybody Loves Their Own Brew!
Feb. 10, 2012
When it is below zero outside and cold in your bedroom, remember what you had for supper when you think about putting your head under the blanket to keep warm. A self inflicted “Dutch Oven” is not a good way to wake up.
To Be Fair, the Octopus Trade is Lucrative
Feb. 9, 2012
Make sure you check your pockets before doing laundry. Needless to say I found my good pen but now my jeans look like I was trying to smuggle an octopus in my pocket. #LFMF
No No, That Stain Was From… Ten Months Ago?
Feb. 9, 2012
If you just breastfed your baby and are wearing dark pants be sure to aim your baby's face away from your lap. White baby vomit looks very suspicious when deposited in your crotch. LFMF.
Protect Your Hands from GINGIVITIS
Feb. 8, 2012
When washing your hands in the restroom of a new restaurant that you've never tried before, be sure you read the label of the soap dispenser before using it. That "soap" dispenser will turn out to hold mouthwash. You WILL get frustrated when your hands don't lather up, you WILL pump out several more squirts of the stuff, and the woman fixing her hair in the mirror next to you WILL think you're insane. By the time you've realized your mistake, it will have been too late. #LFMF
Booooris the Spiiiider…
Feb. 7, 2012
That leaf on the floor? don't pick it up. it's not a leaf. It's a tarantula.
Immune System Level 85
Feb. 7, 2012
If you find your dental floss in the garbage, don't assume that it it accidentally fell in there and rescue it. It was the toilet that it accidentally fell in, and that is why your wife threw it out. You may not find this out until you've been using it for a week. #LAMHusband'sF
Protective Anti-Anti-Allergy Force Field
Feb. 3, 2012
Before wondering why, after a couple of weeks of using a nasal allergy spray, your sinus congestion has suddenly returned, and worse than ever, make sure the clear plastic cap has been removed from the nasal applicator that is stuffed up your nose.
A Wave of Salty Love
Feb. 3, 2012
Fail: Being at home sick, getting thirsty, and taking a nice big chug from your cup of salt water. Epic Fail: Forgetting and doing it again in an hour. The Cherry on Top: Almost doing it again while submitting this fail.
No Worries for the Rest of Your- GAAAACK
Feb. 2, 2012
See that old timon and pumbaa straw that you got from disney on ice 7 years ago? Yeah, wash it before you use it. Or you may just get a mouthful of earwig instead of lemonade.
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Constructive Criticism
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