When your colleague starts sending you pics of nice ladies taken from online dating sites, it's time to stop hitting on his girlfriend. #LFMF
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Is she hot? Do you like her and she likes you? They are not married. The purpose of dating is to find someone you are compatible with for marriage. Not to immediately become exclusive wasting months or years of your life on someone you may not be compatible with.
There is no such thing as cheating when dating. If you think so you’re defeating the purpose of dating.
You should say that to every woman you want to date. It’ll save time.
Dating someone and being a girlfriend/boyfriend (Or g/g or b/b if you prefer. or multiple people, whatever) is an entirely different thing. Dating is “I think you’re cool, so lets spend time together and see where it goes” wheras recognising each other as boyfriend/girlfriend generally means you have made the step from the ‘dating stage’ into a romantic relationship. Not saying you no longer go on dates together, but that most people would consider being gf and bf to be in a legit monogamous (unless they have other discussed and agreed on ideas, ie, polyamory) relationship.
Hence why it tends to go dating (where you date them and others) to exclusive dating (only seeing each other) to a relationship, ie, boyfriend and girlfriend. Unless you’re still running on a high school mentality where it is still all “WILL YOU BE MY BF/GF” “YES” break up a week later.
***TL;DR They obviously are in a relationship together regardless of your views on non married relationships, his advances are unwanted, he should go elsewhere instead of hitting on someone obviously in a relationship.***
Actually the terms boyfriend and girlfriend did always imply a rather casual romantic relationship. It’s just the removal of marriage as an end goal to relationships that has stretched them out past their meaning. Personally I think you should at least call your monogamous SO your “partner” or “common-law wife/husband”. The terms “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” are infantile and when I see people 30+ using them it just sounds ridiculous.
Wow, really? So if my husband died when I was 45 and I managed to pick up the pieces and start seeing someone else, I’d have to call him my “common-law husband” after a few weeks?
It’s a useful term, but unfortunately it’s now competely outdated. I know you hate “boyfriend/girlfriend” but as you yourself said, things have changed in the way society sees relationships. Society evolves; I’m afraid we have to deal with it.
“The purpose of dating is to find someone you are compatible with for marriage.”
You’re right. That’s why it’s easier to break up, than to divorce. But that does not mean there’s no exclusivity during the dating period. If you want to see someone else, first just stop going out with your current partner.
Soooo… if a couple that’s been going out for two years, and are waiting for [insert circumstances] to get engaged and/or married, the lady/gentleman is still available because they’re ‘just dating’?
Personally, I think it depends on the *level* of dating, as much as *whether* they’re dating.
THIS.
Or how about the boundaries set by those individuals?? Some people want monogamy right away, others don’t ever want to be exclusive. Y’all need to stop dictating your own preferences onto other people’s relationships.
^This
Still not a good idea to hit on them if they’ve been dating a while. Let them make the first move if they choose to.
This too. The fact that he refers to her as his “girlfriend” rather than “some chick I’m dating” should be enough. “When he starts sending you pictures” is NOT time to stop hitting on her. It’s when he first introduces her to you as his girlfriend or date.
Personally – and you may or may not agree with me; I know American dating and British dating have different conventions and etiquette – I think that if a personal friend or someone you’re close to at work starts dating someone, he or she immediately becomes off-limits. It’s not a nice thing to do to someone, unless he says it’s OK to date her. I’d ask first.
Agreed. Just play it safe.
Way to douche it up man. It is never cool to knowingly dog another guy(or girl if you are of the female persuasion, I’m not going to go into the way to say it for gay people. I’m a straight guy so this is from my perspective. Get over it.) a gentleman just doesn’t do it.
Your perspective is your prerogative, sir, but I find it quite funny that your explanation of why you couldn’t be bothered to include homosexual relationships was longer than it would have taken you to include them.
Deliberate?
You’re lucky he sent you pics instead of just knocking your teeth out. HE, unlike you, is a very good friend. And not at all a douchebag like you and velocityg4.
^This. Completely agree.
Absolutely this ^^^
^This . A Smooth man indeed for only sending pics.
^ Agree
show his gf what he sent you and ask
‘are you going with this guy?’
Your colleague is a much better friend than you are, and he’s being nicer about it than lots of guys.
What happened to just the direct approach saying ” It is not OK to hit on my girlfriend, it is rude and makes me and or her uncomfortable”. There are plenty of real adult options instead of stupid passive aggressive emails or violence.
Perhaps OP’s friend thought it was funnier this way.
Yeah, sometimes defusing a situation with humour and tact is better than causing a confrontation, where likely as not he would indignantly shriek that he was NOT hitting on her, and that you couldn’t prove it. Cue bad atmosphere in the workplace. Been there, done that.
You know… normaly Girlfriends do not wear a giant tag that says “Taken! Back off!”…