When taking your puppy to the vet, do not leave him in the unlocked car with the keys inside while you stop for gas. He will lock you out, you will walk home for your spare key that you don't have, and you will have to call to police to come help you get back in your car. #LFMF

That police helicopter circling your apartment complex tonight? They are looking for a serial killer. Don't go out outside to watch.

You have plently of candy canes left over for christmas. You're bored with your regular soda flavour. Minty cola sounds refreshing. #LFMF

When, while searching for a utensil in the kitchen drawers, you come upon a crazy straw, for the love of all that is good, LOOK before you decide to suck up that "bit of food" still inside it. You'll remember too late just how old that straw is. Mold is not something you want to have rocketing into your mouth.

When you drink 2 litres of RedBull, 3 boxes of mint TicTacs,1 and 1/2 Monsters and and Monster and Coke mixer, you will flip when someone says "dude, you might die"

Never lick the salt off the multitude of shells from the pistachios you have just eaten. You will beg for death within the hour.

Pay attention to the signs on paper towel dispensers in public bathrooms. You'll find out that it isn't automatic AFTER you wave your hand in front of it for about 30 seconds in front of a crowd of people behind you.

In modern usage, "girlfriend" does not just mean "female friend." Don't ask your teenage daughter about her girlfriend, or she'll assume you mean it romantically and that there's no reason to come out to you. It will be awkward when you finally find out she's bi. LFMyMom'sFail

Win: Being at home with your wife during the day, with no commitments.
Epic Win: Wife suggests engaging in some "afternoon delight".
Fail: Responding to her suggestion with, "What's in it for me?"
#LFMyHusband'sF

If your phone offers to restore itself to its factory settings, say no.

Don't eat red popsicles when you're feeling ill. If you forget about them while throwing up later, you're in for a moment of pure horror.

When you're in a store and see your daughter walking ahead of you (who did not originally come with you), make sure she is actually your daughter and not a girl who only looks like her before sneaking up behind her and trying to tackle her. #LFMDad'sF

Do not scroll through LFMF while calling a customer and waiting for them to answer.
You will read a funny post and start laughing as they answer the phone. It will be awkward.#LFMF